I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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