I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
