the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
