Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
