I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
