There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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