I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
