You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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