he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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