i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
