I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
