Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
