3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
