i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
