We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
