onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
