Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
