just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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