It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
