Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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