call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
