If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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