either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
