If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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