peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
