take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
