So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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