she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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