YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
