i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
