why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
