i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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