I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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