So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
