I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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