We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
People in love make me want to vomit
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
