My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
