you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i will never coherently bang her
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
