My first STD was from a foam party
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
