That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
