Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
3 2 1 whiskey
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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