you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
