TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
