she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
