Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
