Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
