sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
