I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
