My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
