I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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