yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
