I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this just has baby written all over it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
