he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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