Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
