I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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