now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
