where does the pee come out of this thing
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize