sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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