I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
