Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
