I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
