one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
