First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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