Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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