one two three fourrrrnication!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
