Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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