Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
