There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
did i walk over a car last night?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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