I'm going to jail i love you
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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