mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
