Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
