you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
