Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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